No One Asked For It, and Yet, Here It Is

And by it, I am obviously referring to the contents of my bag

You will be sorry you asked, on the other hand, you might be in the same boat with me. If this is true then please continue reading. If not, then please turn off your computer, tablet, iPhone or whatever device you are reading this from immediately.

I started carrying a bag around the time I graduated college. Throughout college, I had always carried a backpack because you know, school. When I graduated I realized, my little allergic-to-peanut self-needed to carry my rather large Epi-Pen with me at all times. Not only is it huge, it also has very specific instructions that state it should not be left in the car. Being a life or death situation, I decided to start carrying a purse if you will, and have verbally endorsed the joys of actually carrying a small bag. Reluctantly I must concede, and state that I have fallen in love with a larger bag, specifically one that carries my laptop.

So, in an effort to remain transparent and open with all of you reading my blog, I have decided to introduce you to the contents of my bag, on Friday, January 27, 2016; and while I had originally purchased a white leather white canvas version of the bag, Amazon decided to send me the wrong color. Being my usual lazy-self I decided to keep the bag and complain rather than send it back.

The early stages of carrying a larger bag were joyous, I could suddenly fit all of those awkward little things I was carrying in my hand in one bag. I quickly learned that a larger bag meant carrying more items, but in an effort to be easy on myself I have decided to explain scenarios in which I will use almost all of the contents of my bag.


Scenario One

You find yourself in a high-speed chase running away from the police, to which prior you had committed a treacherous crime. Due to the general openness of the six-lane freeways of Northern California, The 101 to SFO (San Francisco International Airport) happens to be traffic free. You look in your bag and notice you are carrying your passport with you, and arrive at the airport and hop on the next flight to Aruba, change your name to Maria Sharapova and are forever free.

Scenario Two

You have just started up a new form of Meditation and find yourself constantly comfortable enough to take off your shoes wherever you are. Due to the general comfiness of your socks, you find yourself sliding across floors with ease, and begin to enjoy it even more. However, the very act of taking off your shoes due to comfort has caused you to begin to have anxiety about sleeping, so you look into your bag for a solution and happen to find a hot glue gun. You pull out your phone and immediately Pinterest a DIY to transform socks into slippers and follow accordingly.

Scenario Three

In an effort to remain environmentally friendly, you decide to start taking public transportation to and from work. The only thing you forgot to remember was the fact that you are slightly claustrophobic and are dangerously nervous about being too close to strangers. No matter, you remember that in the recesses of your bag is your Lucite Footlong Ruler. You casually pull it from your bag and measure approximately six inches of space on both sides of you to ensure that no one sits too close.

Scenario Four

Torrential downpour has got you bummed out and your hair frizzed out. No need to fret, you remembered that for Christmas you had informed your loved ones of my Holiday Gift Guide, and they happened to had purchased your newfound favorite product, BB Hair Cream. Not only does it maintain the frizz in rainy situations, it smells great! You run to the bathroom, apply it to your damp hair and get back to your busy day. No need to carry around an extra blow dryer anymore.

Scenario Five

You happen to be attending a fancy gala party where tons of celebrities will also be attending. You are informed by your best friend that your favorite celebrity will also be attending. Due to a wild night out, and a morning rushed into work you remember that you forgot to put on deodorant, and are mortified that you might possibly smell. You rummage through the contents of your bag to find a sample of Olympea Eau De Parfum the Nordstrom perfume clerk gave you the last time you were in. You spritz a little under your arms and around you and nonchalantly waltz into the gala, only to fall madly in love with your celebrity crush.

In addition to the items that were highlighted above, there is also a sketchbook, a pair of sunglasses, a planner, a book entitled Man Repeller, Seeking Love. Finding Overalls. by Leandra Medine, and an eraser. However, those are practically useless when considering there was also a stack of Polaroid film which I failed to mention originally. You just never know when you will randomly need 24 films of polaroids. All that to say, those were the contents of my bag the day I decided to write this post.

Dare I ask what’s in your bag?

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