During the Friendship Issue, one of the things that I really wanted to discuss was the way in which we handle conflicts as friends. Its virtually an issue no one talks about, and yet everyone goes through. However, the process of handling conflict also entirely depends on the person, for some aggression and argumentative styles work best, while others retreat and avoid conflict like the plague, SO, I decided to enlist the help of an ancient tool used to put people into categories in order to help them learn more about themselves—Meyers-Briggs.
To figure out your personality type all you have to do is take this quiz and then you’ll be on your way to figuring out how you handle conflict so you can master sticky situations like a pro. Below are the sixteen personality profiles on how they handle conflict.
Introverted · Sensor · Feelings · Judgment
The classic avoider. That’s what you are ISFJ. You are so internal and so sensory that for the most part, you draw from your wealth of knowledge about people to assess situations and avoid conflict before they even happen. You can quickly explain away a situation and usually will try to help people understand where the other person is coming from trying to mediate conflict quickly, BUT, sometimes people need to work out their problems for themselves. AND sometimes, you need to hash out disagreements in order to come to a collective resolution. Don’t worry about pleasing others, you need to voice your own concerns instead of sweeping things under the rug.
Extraverted · Sensor · Feeling · Judgment
Mr./Mrs. Fix It, that’s what I’m going to call you, and in reality, you are really great at handling conflict and finding ways to make the situation better. However, the one thing that you need to be mindful of is putting band-aids on feelings so quickly. Sometimes you need to work on allowing the other person and yourself, to feel the emotions of a situation instead of folding so quickly to handle the conflict. If you don’t voice your opinions and concern, you could start to harbor hurt feelings and bitterness—and that doesn’t look good on anyone.
Introverted · Sensor · Thinking · Judgment
GIRRRLLLL / GUUUYYYYY / HOWEVER YOU IDENTIFY!!!!! THE REASON I AM YELLING AT YOU AND SCREAMING SO LOUDLY IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NATURALLY soft-spoken unless someone does something to you that is irrational or out of line with their articulated values. To which then, you are extremely argumentative. You have disingenuine people, and you hate when people go against their word. The lesson for you is that you need to understand that life and people are constantly evolving. Just because someone did something wrong in the past doesn’t mean that they will continue the behavior in the future. However, rather than jump to conclusions, try to hear the other person out and find the logic in the scenario, facts are always better than fiction.
Extraverted · Sensor · Thinking · Judgment
I hate to break it to you ESTJ, even though you probably already know this, but you are definitely the my-way-or-the-highway type of personality, especially when it comes to handling conflict. Which usually is due to your extreme need to handle things efficiently. You make rash decisions, quick judgments, and usually, need to be the one in charge handling the conflict. Try and realize that when you handle situations like this, other people can feel unheard or underappreciated, and that, in the end, is just going to cause more conflict. If you think about it logically, its better to take the time to handle the situations slowly and progressively so that way both parties heal, in order to not have to deal with it again. To me, that seems a lot more efficient. Food for thought.
Extraverted · Sensor · Feeling · Perception
Remember that Sara Bareilles song Bottle It Up, where she sings about bottling up your emotions or handling things in that manner? Don’t do that, even though that is what you are prone to do. That’s not any way of handling things, and even though its a form of self-protection, you end up bringing up old wounds you haven’t dealt with rather than dealing with the situation at hand. Trust is the lesson here. Trust that others will love you and that your relationships are deeper than they seem.
Introverted · Sensor · Thinking · Perceiving
You are basically the best at handling disagreements and kerfuffles, mainly due to your analytical mind and systematic nature which allows you to come up with great solutions to issues. The downside is that oftentimes you can become quite difficult to work with when things get a little too emotional, or whenever someone tells you their feelings were hurt—mainly because you don’t trust decisions based on emotions. The main goal in your relationships is to try and understand that while its okay for you to handle yourself in a way that handles conflict void of emotions, it is important to hear and listen, other peoples, emotional perspectives.
Extraverted · Sensor · Thinking · Perceiving
My main squeeze! ESTP! Hey, girl hey! We are naturally good at deflecting emotions and fixing conflict quickly. Mainly, because we’re really good at deescalating a situation and handling it quickly so that way feelings aren’t hurt and situations are left undone. The problem is whenever we’re in a personal or romantic relationship things, kind of, get complicated—mainly due to our need to keep the peace and turn situations into jokes. Conflict isn’t a commentary on the quality of your relationships, and to that, neither is harmony. Voice your needs and allow yourself to express your frustration openly, rather than make awkward passive comments that leave your relationships with a sour taste.
Introverted · Sensor · Feeling · Perceiving
Laid back, easy-going, go with the flow. Tis the way of the ISFP. Unless your personal relationships come into play, then it’s more like burying your own frustration and hurt deeper and deeper and withdraw into yourself until you basically are just a shell of a human person. I know—I know, that sounds really dramatic, and it is, but like, you really need to stop avoiding conflict. It isn’t healthy for you or your relationships. Just rip off the band-aid and deal with it quickly. That way you can be healed of old wounds. A good measure would be taking some time regularly to check-in with your loved ones in order to allow space for feelings to be discussed openly.
Extraverted · Intuitive · Feeling · Perceiving
PASSION! That is you to a ‘t.’ You have no problem arguing for the rights of others, or causes that you believe in, and while you tend to be the first to stand up in defense of your values, you are the last person to stand up for yourself. You shut down, avoid, and evade conflict and lock people out when they want to talk to you. Letting people know you are vulnerable isn’t a bad thing, in fact, there is a lot of strength in vulnerability. The next time there is a conflict that comes up, try to assess and say, “this hurts, here’s why.” Expressing hurt feelings isn’t a weakness, trust that others will love and accept you regardless. You constantly give other people a chance, why not take a chance on yourself.
Introverted · Intuitive · Feeling · Perceiving
Classic avoider, mainly due to your sensitive and empathetic nature. Your heart and compassion is your greatest strength INFP, but you have to allow others the space to see the full extent of it, and that means speaking up for yourself. Don’t rush into conflict, instead take the time to assess your feelings and find the words to say, allowing things to cool off. Just make sure that this is articulated. Don’t expect people to read you as easily as you read them. Communication. Communication. Communication.
Extraverted · Intuitive · Feeling · Judgment
I really like the way that you handle conflict ENFJ, you are the mediator. You listen, you hear situations, and you try to really work on the relationship. You don’t fold quickly and usually, try to allow the time for the situation to resolve. However, you can become quite defensive when someone comes at you with personal criticisms and fail to stand up for yourself when someone comes at you logically. Trust your abilities and assess the situation carefully in order to perceive what may or may not be true. Don’t internalize negativity so quickly as you are one to constantly self-criticize. Try to be critical of others too.
Introverted · Intuitive · Feeling · Judgment
You are the type of person to drop a truth bomb and then pretend like you didn’t just say what you just said. This is partially due to you not wanting to incite conflict with people, while at the same time trying to debate or argue your beliefs. A lot of time this can lead you to misinterpret situations or feeling like your treated unjustly when things don’t line up as you imagined. Listen to your intuition but at the same time, give people the chance to explain themselves without feeling like they aren’t being honest. Also, own up to your mistakes because sometimes you can point fingers without pointing a finger at yourself boo boo. Okkkurrrt!
Introverted · Intuitive · Thinking · Judgment
You come off as a know-it-all, but it’s only because you have deep convictions and take the time to think things through. You tend to have a defensive and combative conflict style that quickly turns into ignoring others that seem emotional or illogical. Try to really listen to the other person and figure out what they’re saying, rather than taking everything extremely personally.
Introverted · Intuitive · Thinking · Perceiving
INTP’s tend to remain calm, cool, and collected in analytical arguments—it’s the emotional ones that through you off. You never want to get into discussions that are too emotional and rarely appeal to feelings. Your biggest weakness is the inability to see past logic and look at things through the lens of the heart. Try to remember that just because it’s not your style to go about things emotionally, doesn’t mean that other people have to subscribe to that as well. Try to consider the effects of the argument and appeal to the humanity in the conflict. Hopefully, in doing so, you will be able to handle the conflict quickly and make logical but beneficial judgment calls.
Extraverted · Intuitive · Thinking · Perceiving
Oh, ENTP, you never shy away from a good debate. You love conflict, love stirring the pot, and love test ideas out before you develop your own personal beliefs. Weird right? It’s different for sure, but the reason you do this is that you might be a little unsure of your own emotions regarding things. When conflict arises, you need to stop detaching from your relationships and voice your opinion. Stop trying to stir the pot in order to detach and stop testing ideas out and instead voice your own. You actually have a good ability to balance logic and emotion and your relationships would seriously benefit from a healthy argument, at least one that doesn’t have you trying to start trouble.
Extraverted · Intuitive · Thinking · Perceiving
Bull in a china shop would accurately describe your conflict style. You charge forward and often have very little care for other peoples emotions or feelings, which makes you brew conflict in the wake of your plans. Arguments make you impatient. Disagreements frustrate you. This is your blind spot, so it’s best to pay attention. Not every problem has one objective best answer and your way isn’t always right. You will make fewer mistakes if you start taking more self-care, listening to others feedback and criticism, and consider every person on your team. This is true, especially in your relationships.