Welcome to the end of the month wrap up that never happened, and the beginning of the month intro that is currently not fully formed.
Here’s the thing, November ended in a dysfunctional way. November is always a sort of a weird month for me and usually consists of a range of emotions commonly associated with anxiety from holidays, birthdays, and the weather, to excitement about all of those same things. All of this usually makes November turn into some sort of weird blur that leaves me totally exhausted and overjoyed that December is nigh. When we finally enter into the month of December, it’s a breath of relief. I love December. Not for the reasons, anyone would guess, like Hanukkah or Christmas, but actually just simply for the novelty in the month.
November ended shittily—and I’m fully blaming here—because of Mercury in retrograde. All forms of my personal communication were completely thrown off at the end of the month. I couldn’t express what I needed to, my head was wrapped up in senseless distraction, and I felt completely and utterly directionless. All of that and I was depleted from the whole concept of giving, which, seems ironic because you should feel better, but I felt more exhausted, which brings me to the lesson learned in November.
Sometimes being too much of a giver isn’t good.
Being too much of anything for that matter isn’t good. It creates toxic relationship dynamics and oftentimes leaves you feeling more exhausted and depleted and drained than you think. I was exhausted by the end of this month. I felt expended by a number of things, but I started realizing that one of the main issues that troubled me, was the notion that people would only be there for me if I was always there for them. I was giving too much of myself and overexerting energy into situations that really didn’t deserve it. I was people pleasing for fear of being left alone, which, inevitably, left me feeling more alone than I thought.
November was not a great month and 2018 was not a great year, to say the least, but I have hope for 2019, and I have hope for December.
This month, instead of stepping into the traditional format of how I’ve orchestrated this little blog, I’m going to allow the month to define itself. So instead of coming up with a cute little title, the month of December will simply be called, The December Issue. I will try to post regularly, I want to say, at least two-three times a week, on topics ranging, but I am also going to allow my Sagittarian heart to explore. I need to wander around and find new things to tap into, even if it’s just for a month. Part of my wish for this month, for you, is to remember who you are and to not be afraid of getting lost.